Mine oh mine! Can’t believe I watched all 90 minutes of Tonto Dikeh’s latest expose on her failed marriage. All I can deduce is that her ex hurt her pretty bad in the past, and is still hurting her by trying to pretend to be without blame. Nothing hurt someone more than trying to constantly justify that the one you said hurt you actually did so, especially when that person presents an innocent facade to the unsuspecting public..
If I hadn’t been in the same situation recently, it would have been difficult to understand Tonto. Most men (women) with potential for physical or emotional abuse don’t always look like what they are capable of. And it is frustrating and downright annoying when family and friends keep asking” are you sure he (she) did that? Is it not he (she) that we know that is an epitome of proper behavior?..
I had so much to say about my ex husband; especially when I heard all the lies he conconcted about what actually happened between us. There were times, I was tempted to explode, tell my own side. However, I thank God for my family and true friends who held me back from with love and so much care. Also, knowing that they know the real me and believe in me, helped.
Important also, is my genuinely handing over all my cares to The Almighty and allowing him to speak peace to my soul. Marrying the wrong man(woman) can drive one insane. Tufiakwa!
Tonto darling, my heart goes out to you in these trying times. If I may, my only advise would be for you to stop trying to play to the gallery. If I learned anything from my own situation, it is that MOST PEOPLe don’t CARE, only GOD, FAMILY, TRUE FRIENDS do.
God bless you and yours’
Although no relationship is perfect and disagreement and arguments occur in the best of relationships, it is important to recognize the difference between what is toxic compared to what is not. Here are some characteristics of toxic relationships:
- When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled.
- The relationship causes you to feel bad about yourself, both before, during and after being together.
- You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment.
- You feel as if you are the one who is always giving while your partner gives little or nothing.
- There is lots of drama, conflict and anxiety in the relationship.
- Your partner is never happy, appreciative and pleased with who you are. It feels to you as though you must change to make your partner happy.
None of this is healthy, uplifting, satisfying or pleasant. Instead, this type of thing reinforces the worst kinds of self feeling that are possible. How can being the target of constant criticism and verbal abuse possibly help anyone feel good about themselves? This can only result in feelings of frustration, inadequacy, self hate and depression.